she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
