Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
