if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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