I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
