I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
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Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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