your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
