4 words: hood of his car
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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