is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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