he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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