Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
