why didn't you poke me back
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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