ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
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I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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