yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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