just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
