So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
