I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
