Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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