the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
