I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
