Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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