Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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