so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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