i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
