i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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