I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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