my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
