i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
