i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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