He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
