im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
