Ambien. No doubt about it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
