For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
