i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
