So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
