The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
honey bunches of taint.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.