I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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