i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
