Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
