I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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