A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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