you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
