it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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