i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
