He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
