Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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