About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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