Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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