i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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