so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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