i just wanna soil my oats bro
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
