just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
