honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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