My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
