Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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