his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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