What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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