i permit you to call me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
