Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
