Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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