I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.