now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
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I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.