the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.