i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.