i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen