dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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