You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
