there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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