We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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