Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
