I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Panties = found
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