My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
