so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize