i was born a porn star she said
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
