I could make wine with my vomit
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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