What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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